


One Night on Jakku

by msmerlin



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben's an ass, F/M, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Master Solo, Padawan Rey, Rey's an ass, They're both stubborn idiots, read this mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21828478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msmerlin/pseuds/msmerlin
Summary: Forced to return to Jakku with the one Jedi Knight she desperately wished to avoid, Rey must face the truth behind Master Ben's abrupt change in demeanor.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	One Night on Jakku

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mcal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcal/gifts).



> **Beta: NuclearNik**
> 
> Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to Disney, Lucasfilm. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rey never wanted Ben to train her. She begged Luke for anyone— _anyone_ else.

Ahsoka would have been great! She'd long since found a kinship with the older Togruta. Their personalities had seemed to mesh well when she was at the temple. As a Youngling she was often seen on her heels, trying to learn as much from the Jedi Master as she could—but Luke had other ideas.

_Ben will be best for you, Rey. You need someone with a firm hand._

_Ben's temper isn't_ _**that** _ _bad Rey, you're just being reactive._

_You'll be fine, Rey. He won't kill you. It's just one assignment._

She could feel her own temper rise as she sat behind Ben on the speeder, her hands balled into his russet-colored robes on his back because she was going to be damned if she wrapped her arms around his middle. It wasn't like they'd actually fit anyways—he might as well have been a Wooki—he was so much bloody bigger than her.

Her body brushed against his as Ben drove them across the desolate desert planet she was all too familiar with. She'd sworn she never wanted to come back here—back to Jakku where the painful memories that still plagued her dreams came to life. But again, Luke had other ideas.

The Force had reached out to him, and it seemed somewhere on this forsaken planet there was a Force-sensitive child that needed their guidance. And it was now Rey _and_ Ben's job to find them.

Because far be it for a great and powerful Jedi Master like Luke Skywalker to sully his robes by going on a mission as mundane as this.

The speeder jolted over a large dune and just as it crested, it found a rock nestled in the sand. The sudden movement caused Rey's body to lurch forward, sending her front crashing into the hard expanse of her Master's back. "Watch it!" She hissed, pushing off his back, trying to scoot back as far as the tiny seat would allow.

She could hear a muffled reply, likely some snide comment, one that would only further enrage her. Thankfully, the wind and the thick protective cloth that covered his mouth from the sand allowed her to pretend that it was an apology—which logically she knew would never, not in a million standard years, come from someone like Ben.

She didn't always abhor him, though.

No, once upon a time, Ben and Rey were actually rather friendly. When she was a Youngling, it has been Ben's job to help train them, teach them the ways of the Jedi, and care for them when they were sick or scared. She could remember him being kind—gentle even. Cleaning her scrapped knee. Sneaking her extra servings of jogan fruit from the canteen on those particularly hard days.

But he left—as all Padawans do—to complete his training under Master Luke, and the Ben she reencountered a short ten years later had been far different from the adolescent she remembered from her childhood.

This Ben was… Well, to put it mildly, he was an asshole.

He acted like he didn't know her! When he walked through the temple doors last year, he'd actually had the gall to ask her name. _Like he didn't even remember!_

And then he'd singled her out in the training classes. Telling her she wasn't trying hard enough, pushing her harder than any other Padawan, and then— _then_ he told her she was showing off when she'd do _exactly what he asked!_

So to say Rey was upset about having to canvas her old home planet in search of an infant with Force properties with Ben Organa-Solo as her only company was an understatement.

Rey wasn't upset.

She was fucking _furious._

The ride from Nima Outpost to Tuanul was long, easily a two-day journey, but Ben had insisted they make it in one—despite knowing full well that Rey knew this planet better than him. She didn't want to quell his eagerness to be done with this assignment, as it appeared he was none too happy about being paired up with her for the task of bringing the Force child to the temple. But still, he could have at least let her drive the damn speeder over the dunes instead of insisting he lead _since he was the Jedi Knight_.

Like his being a Jedi Knight gave him some sort of internal compass she wasn't aware of.

By the time they reached the outskirts of Tuanul, the sun was already dipping beneath the towering hills that ran to the east, painting the sky with its pink and purple goodbyes as the two moons rose to claim their place in the sky.

Rey could feel Ben's fatigue from the long journey, the way his spine stiffened as he slowed the speeder bike to a crawl upon his approach to the huts on the outskirt of town, or the way his breath came in thick pulls, expanding his lungs until his back hit her front. She should feel sympathy for him—any Jedi should, as they were _supposed_ to care for one another. But she couldn't help the bitter twinge of glee that jolted through her body. It served him right. He should have let her drive. She was far better at it any him anyway, she'd traversed this particular planet more times than he ever would.

Lifting her hand from his back, Rey's fingers curled around the top of the cotton scarf that wound around her face, preventing the kickback from the dust storms from filling her lungs as she leaned forward. Her breasts pressed flat against his back, and she could feel him stiffen under the touch. Though she wore thick goggles, she could see the way his fists tightened on the handlebars of the bike, gripping it to the point of his knuckles turning white.

"Don't stop here," she instructed, her mouth near his ear. The wisps of black hair that tussled in the wind brushed against her nose and upper lip, tickling her as she spoke. "These are just Church member's homes. We need to go further to get to their temple."

Ben turned her head towards her, and her lips grazed against the high of his cheek before she could move back. Her hand slipped up to grip his shoulder, her fingers curling into the thick muscles that ran them as she gulped down the flame of a blush that threatened to overtake her by the accidental gesture.

"I know," he said from behind his mask, dark eyes peering through his goggles, staring at her as if he could see through her as opposed to looking _at_ her.

He always did that.

Watched her with this level of intensity that made the skin on the back of her neck prickle and her hands feel clammy.

Like he wanted to destroy her one fail swoop. Like she was _nothing_ and _everything_ to him at the same time.

"Sit down," he barked the instruction before turning his attention forward once more. Before she could settle behind him, he gave a quick rev to the speeder's engine, and her arms instinctually locked around his shoulders, palms pressing to his chest as she tried not to tumble backwards.

Although she didn't hear it, she could feel a small rumble of laughter in his chest, and she internally cursed him, gritting her teeth as she lowered back down onto the bike's seat, her hands sliding over his shoulders once again to curl in the thick layers of his robes.

As they slipped through the town, her eyes flittered from crumbling hut to hut, watching small faces of children pop through the broken windows, eyes wide in awe at the sight of two Jedi coming to their little slice of the galaxy.

She'd been one of those kids before, peering through the cracks in the foundation of her home as the Jedi came through. Back then it felt too foreign—the idea of a Jedi. They rarely visited this part of the galaxy, and up until Master Luke and Master Ahsoka showed up to bring her to Yavin 4, she'd honestly assumed they were myth. Ancient folklore of a long-forgotten history.

She could remember staring at their robes in wonder, comparing her own rags to the grand outfits they wore. She marveled at the lightsaber that sat on Master Luke's hip as he stood with his arms crossed proudly over his chest while talking with Unkar Plutt. She couldn't hear a word they spoke, but she remembered thinking how powerful he looked. Like he held the universe upon his shoulders.

How silly it all seemed now in retrospect—especially now that she knew how dreadfully itchy those kriffing robes were.

She lifted her hand to give a small wave to a child peering through the window as they rolled through the village, leaving a billow of dust behind them.

Upon reaching the center of the village, the proverbial hub of life in this quaint little slice of the galaxy, Ben came to a stop. His long legs dropped to the soil and his boots sunk into the packed sand. He rolled his head, and Rey could hear the pop of vertebrae snap back into place.

She let go of his robes and carefully slipped from the speeder, her hands adjusting the belt at her waist that held her own saber before she looked around the darkening village. Just a few yards up sat the temple. It was easily the finest building in Tuanul—which really wasn't saying much.

Instead of brown mud walls and a thatch roof, it had been built with steel scavenged from the wreckage that littered the planet. Gleaming steel welded together to create a place of worship built by the inhabitants of this tiny town. Rey knew they spent years toiling to create the beautiful palace in the center of their town, and while to someone like Ben—who'd been raised in far grander places than the likes of Jakku—this metal building might look haphazard and messy. But to her—to the people of this village—it represented so much more.

She heard the soft rumble of the speeder's engine cut, and the rustle of fabric behind her told her that Ben had dismounted. "Remember your place, Rey." Ben's voice cut through the gentle breeze, a bitter reminder than while she was not always _his_ Padawan, on this mission she would be.

She bit back her reply but didn't hide the roll of her eyes. "Yes, Master."

Her place.

How could she ever forget when he reminded her constantly?

A slow mounting annoyance bubbled to life in the pit of her stomach as she watched him move up the barren street without so much as looking to her for guidance—as if her time spent on this planet, with these people, hadn't been the precise reason Luke sent her on this mission with him.

Biting the inside of her bottom lip, Rey's fingers flexed into little fists as she tried her best to tamper the need to remind him, and instead she focused on the way the sand slid beneath her boots, the way the air still smelt of home, the way that no matter how much she hated this place,part of her heart would always belong to the desert climate and its two-mooned sky.

She'd worked with Ben before—taken many missions under his leadership, but this was the first time they were sent alone. She was his first Padawan, much to her chagrin, and although Luke trusted his nephew, there was an obvious tension that ran between the two that even someone not attuned to the Force could sense.

Diplomacy was not Ben's strong suit—being nice to anyone at all might be more precise. Which is why when Master Luke told them they would be going to retrieve a Force-sensitive child— _alone_ —Rey had been unable to conceal her surprise.

Taking a child from its parents was a delicate matter, one that resulted in wayward outcomes for even the most mild-mannered of Jedi. Which was why it was hard to believe Master Luke felt that Ben _I-like-to-break-stuff_ Solo was ready to handle a mission of such great importance!

Yet here Rey was, two steps behind the large oaf of a Master, her hands clasped at her lower back as they moved toward the temple. She stayed two steps behind Ben, matching his footsteps in the sand as she'd learned to do long ago—because apparently, some habits don't ever fade, even years after trying to do everything she could to minimize her presence under Plutt's care.

She could feel the pulse of the Force guiding her towards the large scrap metal temple. Even without Ben taking the lead, she would have known precisely where the child resided. It felt new, uncontrolled, and raw—just as the rest of the Younglings back home. Eager, ready to be taught the ways of the Jedi.

Just as they breached the small rock fence line that marked the beginning of the temple's courtyard, the heavy metal door slid open. Flickering candlelight spilled across the sand, highlighting just the tips of Rey's scuffed boots.

"Master Solo, we've been expecting you." An elderly man stood in the doorway, draped in heavy linen robes that at one point in their lifetime appeared to have been a soft shade of cream, but were now the same rust color of the rocks that broke the dunes.

"San Tekka." Ben's head dipped low in a sign of respect as he approached the older human man. "Did Skywalker's message reach you?"

A soft rumble of laughter drifted in the desert breeze, and Rey lifted her downcast eyes towards the Elder. She watched him cross the narrow space to Ben and place a withered hand on his shoulder, his lips already upturned in a soft smile. "You've not spent much time in the outer rim, have you, Jedi?"

She could sense Ben's embarrassment, watching as he stiffened under the friendly touch. Had his ears not been hidden underneath his shaggy hair, she was certain she would have seen them color crimson.

She should relish in his discomfort. He was cruel, often pushing her far beyond the means any of the other Master's should, but for some stupid, unexplainable reason, a small flare of sympathy ate at her consciousness. Biting the inside of her bottom lip, she took in a slow breath, repeating the lines Master Luke had told her long ago.

_Jedi were compassionate. Jedi were humble. Jedi were selfless. Jedi didn't dwell in anger._

"Master Skywalker's message was sent via droid prior to our departure from Yavin 4, Elder San Tekka." Rey sidestepped around Ben, her hands sliding inside the billow of her sleeves. She wrapped her fingers around her wrists, pressing gently on her pulse point.

"Rey?" The Elder's eyes narrowed on her, studying her in the soft light. "Little Rey, is that you? I almost didn't recognize you. Come here, child."

Casting a quick glance to Ben, she waited for the subtle dipof his head before she moved forward to greet the Elder with just the hint of a smile lifting her lips. She knew she wasn't supposed to show favor—it wasn't of their ways, but the rise of happiness inside her that bloomed to life when the old man cupped her face was hard to suppress. "It's nice to see you again, Elder San Tekka."

The withered hand tapped her cheek, and she could make out the distinct sparkle of happiness in the Elder's eyes as he let loose a light laugh. "My, my, how you've grown from the little girl I found scavenging." His hands moved to her shoulders and he pulled herl in for a quick hug,cut short by Ben clearing his throat.

"This reunion is… touching, but we are here on official business for the Jedi Order, San Tekka." Ben adjusted his stance, rolling his shoulders back in what Rey had begun to think of as his power stance. He would only fall into the wide-legged, chest-puffed position when trying to exude some form of authority over a situation—like when he'd caught her, Finn, and Poe playing an innocent game of Force roulette with a bucket of water.

Because apparently using the force for anything other than Jedi training was inappropriate. Because the great Ben Solo had _never_ had any sort of fun before.

"We've come about the child."

Elder San Tekka's eyes drifted over Rey's shoulder, and she watched his smile thin just slightly. "Ah. Yes, of course. The child." His hand dropped from her shoulders, and he tucked them inside the sleeves of his robes. "I'm afraid that will have to wait until the sun's rise."

" _What?_ "

Rey's eyes drifted closed at the crisp word. How Ben could manage to pack so much meaning into a single syllable would have been impressive had she not already been intimately acquainted with the fire that would follow. "We are on a strict timeline. Would it not be possible to meet with the child and its parents tonight?"

The Elder's eyes flicked between Ben and her as if trying to gauge the outcome of his words before he shook his head with an almost regret-filled sigh. "Unfortunately, that is not an option this evening."

Besides her, Ben let loose a small noise that sounded something akin to a kicked puppy—like he couldn't fathom the reason for the delay. And as if on cue, she felt a wave of energy pulse from beside her, red and angry.

"The child is Twi'lek, and although the parents respect the ways of the Force, they are apprehensive about giving up their child to what some might consider a fate not dissimilar from that which many of their people face."

"Becoming a Jedi is not slavery! We do not force this upon anyone." Ben was quick to defend and from the corner of her eyes, Rey could see his fingers curl around the thick belt that sat at his waist.

"I do not argue with you, Jedi. I am simply trying to explain why it is imperative we give the parents just one more night with their daughter. They are saying their goodbyes for once you take her from this planet, she will no longer be theirs to cherish. Her life will become of greater importance, part of a mission we feel the calling for." The Elder lifted his hand from his robes, gesturing around them, towards the darkened sky above. "The Force has guided you to her, but it does not require her parents to relinquish their love for their child the moment you arrive. I've done all I can to prepare them for this loss, but time is what they request, and time is what they will be granted. By dawn's break, you may whisk the child away to begin her training—until then, we shall wait."

Rey could feel the ire brew within her Master, his need to lead the situation into what he deemed beneficial. His pride was something Ben still struggled with—even if she couldn't feel it, she would have known from the hushed conversations she'd overheard between Master Luke and Ben in darkened corners of the temple.

"We will honor your word to the family, Elder San Tekka." Rey spoke out of turn, something she knew Ben would likely remind her of once they were gonefrom the watchful eye—and prying ears—of the Elder. "But we require lodging for the night. Our ship is docked at the Niima Outpost and journey back by speeder is not advisable this late in the day—"

"Because of the Nightwatcher Worms, yes, yes. I can provide you a hut for the evening, and a warm meal to fill your bellies until you return to your ship." The Elder moved out of the doorway, causing the heavy metal door behind him close with a deafening _thump._ The soft crunch of his boots in the sand marked his movement as he moved past Rey and Ben with a hobble legged gait that gave way to his age. "But we can only spare one, so you will have to make due."

* * *

_One._

One meant so little, yet so much. When San Tekka spoke of only having a single hut to spare, Rey never envisioned that a single hut also meant one bed.

How could she? Even the shanty she'd lived in with Plutt had more than a single bed!

Shifting on the too-hard mattress, Rey tried her best not to think of Ben, who was just on the other side of the tiny hut, finishing his quick shower in the fresher. She'd scrubbed her own skin clean from the dessert's caress just minutes earlier. Despite having spent years away from the duel suns, her skin glowed bronze from just a day's journey.

She vaguely wondered if Ben's fair complexion would redden or darken as her own—which led to _other_ thoughts.

Thoughts that she should most certainly not be thinking about her Master—and not just because they were Jedi and that was the way of their people, but because Ben had been a raging arsehole most of their evening.

The fact that he let her go visit the fresher first—so she could have the first crack at hot water—was an absolute miracle. Maybe he felt bad about yelling at her, or maybe he'd been so sick of watching her remain unresponsive towards his terse words that it was just a means of getting rid of her for a few moments.

Regardless, she was thankful for the opportunity to shower first. But now that she lay on the bed in just her outer robes, thoughts of what Ben looked like behind the door on the opposite side of the tiny hut make her rethink her good fortune.

Were his shoulders that broad under his robes? His chest had felt defined on the few occasions she'd touched it during physical training. Would he have thick muscles like Finn, or was his body lined with lean muscle like Poe's?

Biting her bottom lip, she let her eyes drift shut as she tried to push the images from her mind and focus on something else, _anything_ else that might distract her from thinking about him.

Rolling onto her side, she snatched the second pillow from the bed and pulled it to her chest, curling her thin arms around the fluff to find comfort. It wasn't until the light from the fresher spilled across the bed, highlighting the drab brown cloth in golden hues, that she realized she wasted the entire time she should have been drifting to sleep with inappropriate thoughts about her mentor.

She didn't move or so much as breathe when she raised her eyes, watching Ben lumber into the room in nothing but a low-slung towel around his hips. The questions she'd spent too long wondering had just been answered, as if some divine intervention rose to put her out of her misery.

He was big—and for some unexplainable reason, he looked larger than he did in his dark-colored robes. The skin on his chest was milky and looked softer than her own skin—though, to be fair, that wasn't a hard feat. From this distance, she could make out just the hint of blemishes, healed wounds from his training and time as a Knight—the last remains of skirmishes and volleys with those that tried to squash what The Jedi Order believed in.

He didn't so much as lift his eyes towards her when he moved to set his carefully-folded clothing on a small chair in the corner. She watched in silence as he shook out his pants, knocking as much dust as he could from them with a single-handed flick before he crouched over to step into them.

Rey had enough sense to close her eyes when he loosened the towel from his waist and he hoisted his pants around his hips, and she didn't dare open them until she hard the distinct pull from the string that let her know they were tied safely around his waist.

His hair was damp, hanging in clumps around his head, and she could make out the distinct shape of his ears poking through the tufts of umber-coloured hair. A small smile tugged at her lips as memories of the boy she once knew flitted to the forefront of her mind. Ben had been so kind to her as a child. It was hard to remember that kindness when the man she dealt with now was so vastly different.

He moved across the room towards the bed, a single hand carding through his hair to shake out the excess water. "You should be sleeping, Rey." His voice pulled her eyes up from his chest to meet his own, and she fought back the slow burn of a blush that threatened to spill across her cheeks.

Releasing her hold on the pillow, she put it back in its place beside her own before she rolled onto her back, forcing her eyes to stare at the stars through the skylights that littered the ceiling. She didn't dare utter a reply—mainly because she assumed admitting she couldn't sleep knowing he was naked in the room beside hers wasn't likely advisable.

She felt the bed shift under his weight, causing the tempo of her heartbeat to rise, but just when she thought he might lay beside her, the pillow she'd been holding moments earlier was pulled towards him, and the soft cream throw that had covered her feet was slowly pulled away.

"What are you doing?" The words slipped from her mouth before she could prevent them as she rose up on her elbows.

Ben stood frozen just beside the bed. The pillow tucked under his arm and the blanket held loosely in his grasp. "What does it look like I'm doing?" He scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm taking the floor—you can have the bed."

The floor? Ben really had never spent much time on desert planets had he?

"As noble as you're being,I'd like to remind you of the scorpions that might not like sharing their space with you."

"Scorpions? How do you know that—"

"Because every house has them—even ones with far better insulation than this hut has." Rey shook her head, biting back a laugh as she watched Ben's gaze drop to the floor, searching for the offending insects. "The bed is plenty big for the both of us, so swallow your pride and come join me. I don't particularly want to share, but if I have to bring you back to Yavin 4 in a casket… Well, I don't think Luke would ever let me forget it."

He hesitated. She could see his spine stiffen and the cogs inside his mind whirl into overdrive as he considered her offer. Silence fell between them, filling the space with awkward tension as Rey waited for him to move, or decline, or do _something_ other than stare.

Thankfully, just as she shifted on the bed, nervous and annoyed, Ben grunted softly before tossing the pillow back beside her own. He crawled beside her, the stiff mattress sinking under his weight.

Shifting across the mattress, so her arm and thigh were plastered against the wall, Rey kept her eyes glued to the stars as she felt Ben settled in beside her, the warmth from his skin radiating down her side. She was like a moth drawn to the flame, tempted to lean out and brush against him just to gather a bit of warmth, but she feared the fire.

Or rather, his rejection.

Once upon a time, she wouldn't have second-guessed leaning into him for support or warmth, but those days felt more like dreams than memories. Shifting on the bed, she rolled onto her hip, trying to find relief from the press of the mattress, and it was in just that moment that Ben moved.

His hand brushed against the back of hers, long fingers grazing her knuckles, and instantly a flare of energy pulsed between them. Like the glow of a saber upon its first use, it burned bright and with the hint of a spark.

Gasping, Rey pulled her hand back, her eyes as round as saucers as she looked up to Ben, only to find he'd clearly felt it too.

His lips were parted just slightly, and a soft shade of crimson colored his cheeks. She could make out the steady rise and fall of his chest as she stared into his eyes, and for a moment, she lost herself in the endless pools.

It had happened before—the magnetic pull that drove her to him despite his terse attitude. She'd almost forgotten about it until she felt the snap of energy burst between them. It had been there when she first met him—her first night at the temple. She was one of the few Younglings not shedding tears about her new environment. The others had lost families, left behind loved ones and siblings, but not her. She left behind a shredded blanket and the small space Plutt had carved out for her in his scrap heap.

Nothing special. Nothing like home.

Ben, who had been given the duty of helping the Younglings, knelt down before her. He told her how brave she was, how her strength would help the others, and as he touched her shoulder, that very same spark she'd just experienced ignited between them.

They lay silent for what felt like an eternity, only the sound of Ben's heavy breath and Rey's galloping heart filling the room. His eyes swirled, full of surprise and something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Reverence, perhaps, but that couldn't be it. Ben didn't like her. Ben didn't remember her… did he?

"Do you remember me, Ben?" She spoke before she could convince herself she didn't care, and watched as his faced twisted, nostrils flaring and brow setting.

"What? Of course I remember you, Rey. You're my Padawan."

"No—not that. I meant from… before." This was useless, a fruitless effort, and she wasn't even sure why it bothered her so much! He obviously didn't care about her, and she? Well, she shouldn't either. But still, something nagged at her to press on. "From when you were a Padawan."

"Oh…" The low sound felt like a blow to the gut, pushing all the air from inside her lungs, and she almost hated herself for asking when he pulled his eyes from hers and rolled onto his back. "…Rey, that was a long time ago…"

Of course, it was! Nearly ten years. A lot had happened in those ten years—for both of them. The empire had lost its holding on man planets, he fought for the Jedi, and he helped bring balance. And she? She progressed in her training, grew ranks far quicker than most of the Elders had expected. She'd showed great promise—one of the few things all the council members could agree on.

"I remember you."

Her eyes focused on his face, watching as he turned his head to look at her, a small tuft of black hair draping across his forehead. "You do?"

She nodded, tongue sweeping across her lips nervously. "You were kind back then… The first person in my entire life to show me kindness, ever. When you left to begin your apprenticeship I was—it wasn't easy because I felt like I'd lost my first friend."

A war waged within him. She could see two opposing forces battle for dominance inside his eyes and with a heavy sigh, he lifted a single hand to smother his face. "I… I remember you… as a Youngling. I couldn't help _but_ remember. You followed me around the damn temple like a lost tookas. I… I…"

"But you—you made it seem like you didn't. On that first night back, you… You didn't say a word to me."

"I was scared… or… confused. Maybe a bit of both," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper as if putting his feelings to words would awaken something far larger and more powerful in the universe than either was prepared for. "Rey, I didn't know if you'd remember me—you'd been so young, and you'd changed so much! You weren't the little girl I left."

"It had been ten years, Ben, Of course I grew." Rey felt a bubble of ire begin to rise in her chest, a distinct crispness lining her tone. "That's what children do, Ben. They grow into adults—just as you did, just as this child we are retrieving will. But aging doesn't mean you have to pretend to not know me!"

"I am well aware of just how fickle time can be, Rey. I just never expected you to blossom as much as you did!"

Blossom?

_Blossom?!_

Like a crinkling flower?

"Excuse me?" Rey rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow to face him. "Blossom?"

Ben followed suit, rolling onto his side and hefting himself up with a hand propped against the side of his head. "You were just a weed when I left you, Rey. Long-legged, awkward, just a kid… but now?" She felt the burning trail of his eyes as they moved down her body, and she was suddenly thankful her figure was hidden beneath the thin blankets that draped the bed. "Your womanhood should come second to being a Jedi—I know this, but when I look at you, all I can see is your beauty. It surprised me to see how much you'd changed."

Her mouth must have opened and closed a hundred different times as she tried to wrap her mind around his confession. He'd called her beautiful. Well, technically, he just said she possessed beauty, but that was one and the same, wasn't it? How was she supposed to address that? Furthermore, if he found her to be the object of his affections, then why on earth was he always such a dick?!

"So, you've been hard on me because… you found me attractive?"

A laugh spilled into the air between then, tinny and sharp. She watched as Ben nervously ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back on his head. "No, I've been hard on you because you're lazy, and I know that you're capable of dedicating a great deal more to your training than what you've been giving lately. You're not one with the Force as you should be—I can feel your presence in it, just as I can feel my own, and you are not fully committed to it."

_Jedi were compassionate. Jedi were humble. Jedi were selfless. Jedi didn't dwell in anger._

But Jedi weren't supposed to be lustful either, and clearly, that was out the window, so why bother with the rest?

"I'm not lazy!" Rey defended with a snap, her nose wrinkling. "Furthermore, your perceived assessment of my efforts is a rather poor excuse for cruelty."

"Cruelty? I wasn't cruel, Rey. Your emotions wander, which is precisely part of your problem. You cannot control your feelings enough to see past the impulses."

"And yours do not? You just told me you thought me beautiful!"

"I have never claimed to be perfect."

A sharp laugh slipped from her throat, and Rey shook her head, fingers flexing in anger. "No, but you certainly make no qualms about mentioning my faults, do you?"

Shifting on the bed, Rey sat up, long legs curling under her as she turned to face him directly. "You kept me at arm's length after years of friendship. Ben, when I heard you were returning to the temple, I thought I might get my friend back—the boy who snuck me treats and helped me tie my tunic. The boy who used to hold me through my nightmares! I was so excited to see you, but instead of this boy, I get… I get _you!_ A man who appeared to delight at my failures. Can you even understand how painful it was when you ignored me?"

Ben sat up, tucking one leg underneath him as he let out a small growl in frustration. "It wasn't easy for me either, Rey! I didn't have a choice."

"No, you didn't want to choose kindness!"

"I didn't want to choose _lust!"_

And just like that, the planet stood still. His eyes were wild, aflame with an emotion that now had a name, and suddenly she realized why he fought Luke on this mission—why her hands on his back while on the speeder was like torture, why her offer of joining him on the bed was like a war for him.

The crashing reality of just what that meant—what _this_ meant—to him wasn't lost on her. Even with no experience to speak of, she knew precisely what that word meant.

"Oh…" Was all she could manage, her lips stuck in the shape of the sound.

Ben bent his leg at the knee and pressed his elbow against his thigh as he ruffled his hand through his damp hair, his gaze averted.. "Rey… You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I've visited planets galaxies away—seen dignitaries and celebrities—but none of them hold a candle to you and… And I wasn't prepared to deal with those feelings. I'd... I'd not had them for so long—I thought I was over them, past the point of questioning my choice, but every time I look at you, it's a reminder of what I cannot have but so desperately need."

**Author's Note:**

> This idea entered my mind many moons ago, and would not come to be if it weren't for the amazing love & support from the lovely, awe inspiring mcal. so this little ficlet is for you my dear. I hope you'll enjoy the surprise of character two.
> 
> may the force be with you. 
> 
> until next time. xx


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